Somewhere along the line I heard something about how we interact with people. . . To, With, For or Ignore. We do things TO people, we do things WITH people, we do things FOR people, or we IGNORE. It’s always stuck with me as a good model to think about when interacting with people, groups etc. There is probably a time and a place for everything, but WITH is a good model to strive for. (At least I think)
I had my first midwife appointment today, and it drove home WITH instead of TO or FOR like nothing else. I’m so excited about this journey of growing a baby (Reid) and bringing him into the world WITH a midwife.
So I got to my appointment, sat down for like 3 minutes before they were “ready to see me”.. . She took me to the bathroom the first step in every prenatal appointment and gave me a cup to pee in . . but here’s where it got interesting (and I knew that I had some to the right place. Which I guess proves that I am indeed some sort of a freak) When I had collected my sample, she said, “Let me show you what you need to do every time you come. Take one of these strips, dip it in your cup, wait a minute and compare these three color squares with the color squares on the guide, and when you have done your urine dip, tell me what the numbers were. And here’s the scale, you need to weight yourself each time you come in.” She told me what each color meant, why they might be different colors, what was a concern and what this test was monitoring and why it’s important. So suddenly instead of them doing it FOR me. . I’m partnering WITH them to collect information about my body and this pregnancy!
Then they gave me a binder with information on what each appointment would entail, what information was collected, why, a chart for me to keep track of my weight, urine samples, stomach size etc.
Midwife means, “With Women”. . . and I totally get it now, nothing was done TO me, everything was done WITH me. Even measuring my stomach, she told me what she was measuring, had me feel the top of my uterus (which I could never find on my own), showed me the tape measure and said, “You are 22.5, the right size for this stage.” (I’m going to record that in my handy, dandy chart!)
This is what I’ve been looking for from the day I found out I was expecting. I think back to my first doctor’s appointment when I went to my regular doctor and all she said was, ‘Why do you think you are pregnant.” I told her and she said, “Well you are, here’s a list of OB/GYN’s. . good luck.” And then I called an OB/GYN and they said, “What makes you think you are pregnant. You are. Call back in 4 -6 weeks to schedule your first appointment, we don’t see Mother’s before that time.” I wanted someone to sit down with me and say, “Yes, we know you are pregnant because. . and this is what is happening in your body, and this is what you should be doing.”
The midwive gave me several assignments, to keep a food dairy for a week so they can monitor my diet. They gave me a list of nutrient requirements I need to meet on a daily basis to keep me healthy and Reid healthy too. Gave me some tips about things that if I do now, will help me to deliver better latter.
WITH not TO it’s so much more empowering!